MANAGEMENT LESSON NUMBER ONE
A craa wis sittin on a tree, deein nithin aa day.
A wee rubbit spied the craa and spiered til him, ‘Kin A sit on ma doup lik you an dee nithin aa day an aa?’
The craa answered, ‘Aye, fairly min, nae probs.’
So, the rubbit parkit hissel on the grun aneth the craa an closed his een.
Oot o the blue, a fox cam in aboot, loupit on the rubbit an swallaad him.
Management Lesson
If ye’re gyaan ti sit on yer erse aa day an dee nithin, ye’d best be affa hich.
—
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?’
The crow answered, ‘Certainly, why not?’
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate him.
Management Lesson
To be sitting doing nothing all day, you must be sitting very, very high up.
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MANAGEMENT LESSON NUMBER TWO
A bubblyjock wis bletherin til a bull.
‘A wid fair funcy fleein up ti the tap o yon tree,’ soochit the bubblyjock, ‘bit A’ve nae fooshun.’
‘Ye cwid aye hae a chaav on fit A’ve drappit ahin me,’ said the bull. ‘It’ll fairly gie ye a hairy bosie’.
The bubblyjock aet a pucklie lumps of the sharn an – fair doos – he wis able ti flee up til the first brench.
The neist day, aifter chaan mair sharn, he wis up til the seekint brench.
Feenally, aifter a full twa wikks, he thocht he wis Airchie, cockit on the verra heid of the tree.
In nae time ava, a fairmer chiel spied him an pluff’d a bullit intil his heid.
Management Lesson
Sharn fae a bull will mebbe git ye ti the tap, but it winnae haud ye there.
—
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. ‘They’re packed with nutrients.’
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer who fired a bullet into his head.
Management Lesson
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
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MANAGEMENT LESSON NUMBER THREE
A wee burdie wis fleein sooth fir the winter.
It wis aat caul, the burdie turn’t til ice an drappit ti the grun in a muckle park.
Fan it wis leein there, a coo cam in aboot an drappit sharn ower the heid o’t.
As the burdie wis happit wi sharn, it hid a thochtie aboot fou warm it wis.
He wis aat chufft aboot it aat it seen set tee geein it laldie wie his singin.
Jist then, a moggie luggit intae the stushie an cam in aboot ti hae a spy.
It gaed richt in aboot, caad the sharn ti ae side, loupit on the burdie an swallit it.
Management Lessons
1 Nae aabody fa cacks oan yer heid is agin ye.
2 Nae aabody fa gies ye a haun ti git oot the sharn is yer chum.
3 Fan ye’re up ti yer oxters in sharn, haud yer wheesht.
—
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realise how warm it was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Management Lessons
1 Not everyone who drops sh*t on you is your enemy.
2 Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
3 When you’re in deep sh*t, keep your mouth shut.
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